~i just don`t know~

It`s time to take my own advice a little .
To stop .
Cuz frankly this habitual monthly nighttime random crying tumult of emotions thing is getting F R E A K I N annoying ~~

Just something I was inspired to listen to and put on tonight . Or this morning . I haven`t slept yet . It`s on repeat right now .

† G o d † i s † G o d †
~ steven curtis chapman

And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know

And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall
Oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable
For to Him and through Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

but not done yet

S T O P
It's time to take a step back . To take a deep breath
To give those swirling thoughts a break .
To pause if only for a second and think instead :
What good is worrying ?

- - -

W H A T I F . . . ?
Hate this question . Hate it , hate it , h a t e it
And yet it cannot be helped .
The speculations . The wild scenarios .
The chain of events that is SO sure to be set off once one little thing happens .
Or, rather :
The future that just looks like a scary, hazy blur
Whether it`s far off in the distance
Or right on your doorstep

- - -

T R U T H
Sometimes difficult to grasp . Hard to see . Hard to believe .
But it`s there & it`s absolute .
A big sister once told me this :
Stand firm against the devil and his lies, trickery, deceit
Remind yourself constantly of the truth you know in your mind
That it may reside in your heart, calm your spirit, reassure your soul
The truth isn`t way out there .
It`s actually closer than you think

- - -

L O V E
Isn`t easy .
Hard to believe, harder to describe
Hardest to understand .
Does not consist of feelings or warm pink fuzzies, or warm fuzzies of any other color .
Shouldn`t be taken lightly, has been given freely
A gift .
If there`s any truth I know, it is G O D `S love
And I can lean on that

- - -

Let the emotions settle, let the storms cease
Let the burdens be cast away .
We can wonder, we can feel

neglected jealous upset confused frustrated annoyed incompetent
cheated angry wishful
lost

It`s good for neither you nor me .
I`ve got your back ; let`s move on .
Let`s continue .
Let`s pray .